Universally Screwed: Thrown accross the universe, deeply confused, looking for the bathroom.

On an alien moon a showdown is unfolding between a giant space slug that’s heading towards a planet to destroy it and a military group readying to defend their home world. A small fluffy dog is running through the night intent on regaining its previous life, and a pizza delivery man is leaving his shift with the hope of attending a university party being hosted by the psychology department. All of these events interconnect as sinister forces maneuver themselves in the background waiting to strike.

It’s a comedy.

However, to help you in your retail purchasing decisions, might I offer you these possibilities:

1) You read it and love it. Thus, you have a wonderful day, and this book was well worth the purchase.

2) You buy it and hate it. Then you can give it to your frenemy as a gift, and the book was once more worth the purchase, as you finally one-up your nemesis.

3) You neither love it nor hate it, so you encase it in resin and convert it into a coffee table as a discussion piece about the meaning of knowledge and the impermanence of the digital age, and again the book has earned its keep.

4) Should you be buying this in its digital format, and you find that it falls under option 3 above, might I suggest that you use it to level out that wonky table in your memory palace instead. Why is that table in your memory palace wonky? I don’t know, it’s your memory palace. You should probably do something about that, and this book can help.

I wish you well on your future purchase. As one final incentive, here is a message for you from your future self that was sent back in time.

“Wow, I’m sure glad I purchased that book. Maybe I should buy three more and give them out as inspiration/warnings for future authors!” please remove words as appropriate – your future self.